Optimist/Pessimist

Generally I'm an optimistic person.  I see the glass as half full.  I tend to have faith that everything will work out.  I see problems as challenges.  Handy Man on the other hand is totally the opposite.  He worries that things will not work out.  A problem comes up and he thinks of the worse case scenario. 

The other day the computer went cattywompus (yes it's a real word, here is the urban dictionary definition - topsy-turvy; weird; To be all helter skelter and askew. Not functioning on all cylinders, or just plain strange.)  That exactly describes what the desk top looked like.  It was all big and jumped around every time the mouse was moved.  It was dizzying to look at.  Handy Man's first reaction was it needed to be taken into the shop.  My first reaction was, Star Wars Son can fix it when he gets home from school.

It turned out the mouse scroll knob got pushed while the apple button was pushed, or something like that... which magnified the screen.  You know who figured it out after some brainstorming with both the kids?  Handy Man... the chronic pessimist who initially said it needed to go into the shop ended up fixing it.

It's been very difficult for me to stay optimistic in my job search when I know Handy Man is in the wings thinking we are doomed to a life of poverty.  The interesting thing is that I can totally understand his fears.  It's possible we will have to pay the mortgage on two houses for a few months before our rental house sells.  That is very scary.  Super scary.

I'm a firm believer in the power of positive thinking.  However, when surrounded by heavy negativity it's very difficult for me to draw a positive thought.  I'm struggling on the edge of depression.  Some days I don't even want to get out of bed let alone pick up my camera, write daily or read my book (I've been reading the same book since the first of the year).

Yet I'm powering on.  I do get up every morning.  I work out 3-4 times a week.  I'm showering.  I'm reading your blogs.  I'm applying for jobs.  I'm even cooking dinner (mostly) and doing the dishes.  Every one of those things has been a huge chore.  At the end of every day I'm congratulating myself for being productive and hoping I can get up and do it all over again the next day.  That's the best I've got at the moment.

Now I'm off to look for my optimism and apply for more jobs.

Comments

[noble pig]

Staying positive is best otherwise it will translate to your search and in your interviews. Things will work out and YOU will get through this. Something will come...keep smiling.

[Lisa]

You probably get sick of hearing me say this, but I know where you're coming from. It sucks. It's depressing. In my third month after a layoff (isn't that about where you're at), I was sinking fast and my husband warned me "You BETTER not be getting depressed." I'd been there, done that, wreaked havoc on my family, and neither one of us wanted to see it happen again -- over a job. Luckily a friend of mine kindly offered me a position volunteering with her. She, too, saw the darkness closing in. So I started volunteering. And it made all the difference in the world ... and led to a part-time job. There's some quote somewhere that I can't recall exactly but it's something like "The best way to deal with your problems is to help others with theirs." AKA volunteering. I think you should consider volunteering somehow, somewhere, in some capacity that would lift your spirits. It truly saved me and I think it may do the same for you.
(Sorry for the TMI and the long comment.)

[Mental P Mama]

Oh Babe...thinking of you. And I really like the volunteering idea as well. Something good is around the corner!

[Asthmagirl]

I believe in you. And that reference I wrote is going to get read and those people are going to call you in and offer you the job of your dreams.
I know what it's like to live with someone "mildly" gloomy. But ultimately, you have to be true to yourself and that means remaining positive and putting that good energy out there.

[Jen]

Sending you an electronic hug right now. I know this is temporary, soon you'll find an interesting job and everything will fall into place. In the meantime keep on keeping on, I'm rooting for you.

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

I am a big believer in "if you act like things are okay, they will become okay."

It is hard when someone else's negative thinking rubs off on you. Its sounds like you are doing great in keeping your chin up.

I am thinking good thoughts for a job for you.

[deb]

It's hard, I know. My husband has just a mediocre job and I have none. Somehow, we manage. We certainly do not live like we once did but we are happy.
Stay strong!

[Tracey of These Nine Acres]

Your persistence will pay off. It is good to have a great, close family to hold close during these difficult times.

I think about you daily!

[Reva]

I think the idea of volunteering during down time is a way of lifting the depression. I started volunteering when I lost my part-time job and found it kept the depression at bay. I still volunteer 4 years later with a full-time job. I also agree that when we act as "if", the universe has a way of presenting us with that "if". I realize it is often harder to do than say but when you find yourself slipping into that black tunnel of worry and fear, the moment you realize where you are headed put on the breaks, acknowledge the thought, breathe deep and proceed as if you are already in the place you want to be. You might have to do this a thousand times a day but eventually you will find yourself on the other-side of fear and worry. It sounds like you are already doing things to keep the depression at bay: exercising, personal hygiene, job searching, writing etc. Keep posting for support we've all been there and want to keep you buoyant as long as you need it.