Delusions of... Everything

Pearl Jam Sunday

Pearl Jam's 7th studio album, 2002's Riot Act, holds a special place in my heart for a few reasons.  It's the first album released while I was connected with PJ friends via the internet.  It was so fun to be a part of all the rumors and "fake" song titles and tracks.  There are some pretty clever people on the internet!  

This is the first album I ever got my hands on before the release!  One of my PJ friends sent it to me in the mail, even though I swore I wouldn't listen to the album before the release.  I looked at it for about 10 seconds then put it in the CD player and fell in love.  (A quick side note here... Even though I might possibly get "pre-released" Pearl Jam music, I always, always buy the CD when it comes out, usually in digital and hard copy.)

The rumors that they would play "warm up" shows in Seattle at the beginning of December 2002 before heading to Australia were flying.  I kept saying how cool it would be if they played on my 40th birthday.  Well they did!  It made my 40th birthday the most memorable one ever, not only did I see them once, but three times!  You can read about it here and here.

So yeah, Riot Act has a special place in my heart and I'm transformed back to those first times on the internet with people I'm still friends with today and that amazing birthday weekend.

This song is a different little song called Arc that layers Ed's voice over and over and over to come up with a very haunting and beautiful sound.  On the album it leads into All or None which I'm also including here.

Arc

All or None from Benaroya Hall October 22, 2003

Sing-A-Long Saturday

The last 10 songs played from my ipod on "my faves" playlist set to shuffle.  Warning... It's eclectic!

In the Ghetto - Elvis Presley

Smile - Pearl Jam

Fallin' - Alicia Keyes

Hey Jude - The Beatles

Shinin' - Brad

Disarm - The Smashing Pumpkins

Even in the Quietest Moments - Supertramp

That's the Way - Led Zeppelin

For You - John Denver

Arc - Pearl Jam

From these 10 songs I'm featuring Brad.  They are a local band that's been around for years.  This week they announced they have a new album coming out sometime this year.  It's been many years since they put out a new album so I'm thrilled.  They also have a show coming up in April, but since we are saving every penny I won't be able to go, but I really wish I could! 

Most of the band members have other projects going on so they don't record or play as much as other bands.  One of those members is guitarist Stone Gossard who is also in a little band call Pearl Jam.  The lead singer, Shawn Smith has one of the most beautiful voices coming from a menacing physique.

They normally play in small clubs so it's always a treat to see them live.  I couldn't find a live performance video of Shinin' onYouTube , but I found a performance of another song called Screen.  It's not the best sound quality,  but at least you will be able to see Shawn Smith and a little of Stone.  From the Highline Ballroon in NYC, 10/16/07...

Here is what I found for Shinin'... Be sure to give it a listen, it's a pretty song!

Enjoy your Saturday!

This and That Thursday

It is Thursday, right?

Is it possible to develop ADD as a laid off adult? 

I forgot what I was going to say.

*crickets*

Oh... I got an application to volunteer at one of the agencies where I applied for a job.

Did you know the library has a great Career section that is full of informative and helpful books.  I checked out five.  I think my reading slump is over.

There are books about surviving a layoff, surviving job hunting, resume writing for every occasion, including when you don't have a 4 year degree, things to say in an interview and so on.  I feel like I found buried treasure!

Discovering that I haven't used any of the words considered to be "vague" in my resume is relieving.  I do need to clean it up a bit though.

I'll be learning how to write a killer cover letter.

The depression that seemed to be bearing down on me has receded a bit.  After doing much research and reading all of your wonderful words of encouragement I'm feeling more hopeful.

I know in this economy it's going to take a while to find a job I really want.  I also understand (a little too late) that I might need to take a job I don't want and continue searching for one I really want.

I can't thank all of you enough for your kind words.  You have helped me more than you know!

Optimist/Pessimist

Generally I'm an optimistic person.  I see the glass as half full.  I tend to have faith that everything will work out.  I see problems as challenges.  Handy Man on the other hand is totally the opposite.  He worries that things will not work out.  A problem comes up and he thinks of the worse case scenario. 

The other day the computer went cattywompus (yes it's a real word, here is the urban dictionary definition - topsy-turvy; weird; To be all helter skelter and askew. Not functioning on all cylinders, or just plain strange.)  That exactly describes what the desk top looked like.  It was all big and jumped around every time the mouse was moved.  It was dizzying to look at.  Handy Man's first reaction was it needed to be taken into the shop.  My first reaction was, Star Wars Son can fix it when he gets home from school.

It turned out the mouse scroll knob got pushed while the apple button was pushed, or something like that... which magnified the screen.  You know who figured it out after some brainstorming with both the kids?  Handy Man... the chronic pessimist who initially said it needed to go into the shop ended up fixing it.

It's been very difficult for me to stay optimistic in my job search when I know Handy Man is in the wings thinking we are doomed to a life of poverty.  The interesting thing is that I can totally understand his fears.  It's possible we will have to pay the mortgage on two houses for a few months before our rental house sells.  That is very scary.  Super scary.

I'm a firm believer in the power of positive thinking.  However, when surrounded by heavy negativity it's very difficult for me to draw a positive thought.  I'm struggling on the edge of depression.  Some days I don't even want to get out of bed let alone pick up my camera, write daily or read my book (I've been reading the same book since the first of the year).

Yet I'm powering on.  I do get up every morning.  I work out 3-4 times a week.  I'm showering.  I'm reading your blogs.  I'm applying for jobs.  I'm even cooking dinner (mostly) and doing the dishes.  Every one of those things has been a huge chore.  At the end of every day I'm congratulating myself for being productive and hoping I can get up and do it all over again the next day.  That's the best I've got at the moment.

Now I'm off to look for my optimism and apply for more jobs.

More Act of Bravery

Star Wars Son's band, Act of Bravery, has recorded 3 songs now.  Star Wars Son has spent hours editing and producing the songs.  He has sworn that they will never record using Garage Band again.  He has plans of recording in a real studio with a "real" producer.

He has also been busy redesigning their myspace music webpage.  He's done a couple pages for other local bands and gotten paid for it!  Go check it out and give the songs a listen, be warned they are hardcore.

As soon as they find another guitarist they plan to book some shows and there is a battle of the bands they want to compete in.

Busy, busy musicians.  I'm really proud of SWS and his friends for all the hard work they've put into this!

Pearl Jam Sunday

This is a funny little song that Pearl Jam gave to fans on the 1996 Christmas Fan Club Single.  It's more appropriate to the summer Olympics, but it's still fun now.

Pearl Jam

Olympic Platinum

Lyrics by Nick DiDia.

Olympic dream, olympic dream...
If i could reach to the sky and touch it for my country
Get some on my finger and take in its smell
The smell of victory, land of the free, olympic dream, olympic dream
Olympic theme

My olympic dream

My promotion scheme
How hard can it be
How high can i jump
How high can i throw
How high can i run (i'm running very fast)
How long can i hold my breath and stay underwater
And wave my legs around in perfect unison with my partner who doesn't really understand me
For my olympic dream, my olympic dream

I'll be like dwight stone
I'll be like bruce jenner
I'll be like that girl who trained all her life as a distance runner and then tripped with a quarter mile to go
But i...i will get up and i will run
I will run with the georgia peach breeze and i...i will win
I will win my...my olympic dream

My olympic dream
The gold's just not good enough
And i don't even think of the bronze
I'm living my life for olympic platinum
Olympic dream, my olympic theme
I'll sing like whitney (sing like whitney)
My olympic dream

Sing-Along-Saturday

This week I've only been listening to Pearl Jam and Dave Matthews Band and since I already posted DMB last week and I do PJ on Sundays I thought I'd go a different direction today.

I was searching for a video of a My Morning Jacket song that's in the movie Elizabethtown.  What I found instead was a gem of a video/interview with Cameron Crowe about the music of the movie.

I've mentioned before how much I love Cameron Crowe.  I love every movie he's ever done and I'm waiting, very impatiently, for his upcoming Pearl Jam documentary.  

He marries music and movies in a way that always touches me and here's why...

If you love music perfectly paired with a movie rent Elizabethtown today!!

Rearviewmirror

The job hunt continues and I'm feeling beat down and discouraged.  At first it was an adventure, I was excited about new possibilities now I'm feeling much less excited.

Yesterday I received this email from the City of Tacoma...

February 17, 2010

Dear Tammy :

Thank you for your application for Office Assistant.  We received applications from 1,115 qualified candidates.  The next step in the selection process will be a multiple choice written examination.  The most successful candidates from the written examination will be invited to a performance examination in our computer training room.  Candidates who pass the examinations will be ranked on an eligible list.  The eligible list will be used to fill vacancies as they occur at the City of Tacoma and Tacoma Public Utilities for one year.

This is your invitation to participate in the Office Assistant written examination.  

Be sure to bring to the test site:
     •  This invitation
     •  Photo identification
     •  Two number 2 pencils in ready to use condition

Your test date and time cannot be changed and late entry is not acceptable.  The location, time and date of your test is:
          
     DATE:   03/01/2010
     TIME:    8:00 AM
    PLACE:   AMVETS HALL
                
There is no study guide for this examination.

Please plan to be at the test site for approximately two hours.  I look forward to seeing you on 03/01/2010.

Very truly yours,

Human Resource Guy
City of Tacoma Human Resources Department

They received 1,115 qualified applications?!  1,115?!!  Seriously?! 

My next step is to take a written test that could lead to a chance to take performance test to be ranked on an eligible list?!  Did I read that correctly?  What happened to the position I applied for?  No chance for an interview?

I haven't had any responses from the first few jobs I applied for that I really wanted.  I've sent follow up notes and still haven't heard anything.  If they have received 1,000 applications like the city of Tacoma did, I can understand why.

I've updated my resume yet again to really showcase my people skills.

I'm really feeling like my Epiphany might have been a very pollyannaish mistake.

It's always easier to see thing clearer when you're looking in a rearviewmirror.

Pearl Jam

Rearviewmirror

Composer: Vedder/McCready/Gossard/Ament/Abbruzzese

I took a drive today

Time to emancipate
I guess it was the beatings... made me wise
But I'm not about to give thanks, or apologize
I couldn't breathe, holdin' me down
Hand on my face, pushed to the ground
Enmity gauged, united by fear
Forced to endure what I could not forgive...

I seem to look away
Wounds in the mirror waved
It wasn't my surface... most defiled
Head at your feet, fool to your crown
Fist on my plate, swallowed it down
Enmity gauged, united by fear
Tried to endure what I could not forgive

Saw things
Saw things
Saw things
Saw things
Clearer
Clearer
Once you, were in my...
Rearviewmirror...

I gather speed from you fucking with me
Once and for all I'm far away
I hardly believe, finally the shades...are raised...

Saw things so much clearer
(Once you, once you)
Rearviewmirror...

Cinderella

A couple weeks ago Star Wars Son's drama class did a one night only performance of Cinderella.  It was a British version written by a playwright whose name I cannot remember.  It was HILARIOUS!!!

Cinderella's father's name was Baron Hardup.

 

Her stepsister's were called Asphyxia and Euthanasia.  See the sister to the left of Prince Charming (played by SWS)?  That's a guy...  All the parts, except Cinderella and the Prince were way over acted, on purpose.  Evan, who played one of the sisters stole the whole show.  It had been a long time since I laughed so hard.

There was also singing and dancing.  I wasn't expecting much because SWS kept saying how horrible rehearsals were going and how behind they were with all aspects of the performance.  They were so behind that they ran out of time to make a playbill, which was disappointing to me, being a scrapbooker and all.

Anyway I did not take my camera.  There is one thing I learned from Dancing Daughters dance shows... I cannot enjoy a performance while taking pictures.  I was hoping to go to a dress rehearsal of Cinderella like I do with DD shows, but it just didn't happen.

So these are pictures my mom took and they are not very good, but they are better than nothing.

And they lived happily ever after...

Funk

It's official, I'm in an epic funk.

I had a post written but after reading it over I decided it was too depressing so I deleted it...

Just take my word for it, I'm in an epic funk.

This made me smile a bit...

I'll be posting about the play some time this week.